Part One
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My life is a mess right now, and I don't know how I am going to fix it!!!
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"Are you sure he does not suspect anything?" I asked Kandice
"No Nial, your lucky Chase came back to town, Lex has forgotten all about you"
"That's nice!! But I don't get it"
"Well, he thinks because Chase is back I will drop you like a tonne of bricks, so he is too busy worrying about Chase, to even think about looking for me here!!"
"So I am not likely to have Lex banging my door down any time soon??"
"No, I have convinced him its over between us!!"
"And he just bought it - just like that - some things not right!!"
"Look, he thinks, and I did not try to convince him otherwise, that I am so hung up on Chase, I am going to go mad till I get Chase back, he thinks I can not see past Chase - he would still be after you if Chase was not around - he now thinks he will only have to worry about Chase from now on - he always knew he was second best and he is willing to put up with that as long as Chase is not around!!"
"And are you??"
"Am I What?"
"Is Lex right are you still so hung up on Chase?"
"Your not supposed to ask me questions like that Nial , you and me - we are the same, and that's why I like what we have, I don't ask you about the other little tarts you have in your bed, and you don't ask me about anybody, especially Chase - unless - please tell me you are not going all soft on me Nial!!"
"Don't be silly"
"Well stop talking then and kiss me - talk is over rated as a means of communication - you of all people should know that!!"
The problem is I think I WAS going all soft on her - because for some reason lately even the thought of her husband Lex, touching her was driving me crazy!!!!!!
This thing with Kandice had started just as a bit of fun and thats all it was to me for a long time. She was like me, wild and uncontrollable passion that can be switched on and off, no commitment, lots of wild sex and laughter, no jealousy and no strings attached I think we both inherited some crazy genes, the gene that makes her tick makes me tick in the same way. I knew from an early age I was the same as Kandice, growing up I had heard all the stories and I knew exactly what she was and I actually could understand her where nobody else could. So I think it was inevitable that when are paths crossed we were instantly attracted to each other.
I have lost count of how many girls and women I have kissed and slept with - I don't even need to feel attracted to them, all I want is the pleasure I can get from them. I do not have a type, anything is game to me, and I definitely don't want anyone to fall in love with me because I don't think I am even capable of loving anyone back!!! The word commitment scares the hell out of me because I know that is something I am not even capable of right now, maybe never!!! The problem with most girls is when they start to fall for me, that's when I have to walk away, and I have never once felt any guilt doing it. Kandice is different - because she is like me - she plays the same game as me - we understand each other and it is always better with Kandice in every way, I can relax and be me and don't have any worries that she is going to want anything more from me or fall in love with me!! The only difference between the two of us is she has loved and she has committed, kind of .
So why all of a sudden does this feel different??
I have only ever let one person get under my skin and that is Violet. She has to be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen - but she has never wanted me - it has always been Neo and I think that was half of the problem. Nobody ever refused me before Violet and nobody ever has since - the only one to ever resist my charm!!!. It is wanting something that you can't have that makes it more exciting - but that's all it has ever been - wanting something I can not have - its not like I am in love with her or anything because I am not!!! Knowing how she feels and knowing she is committed to my brother, on a few occasions I have pushed my luck with her and all I have had is a slap in the face. Dented ego, Neo was bang on when he said that, but still I am not jealous watching the pair of them together - it does not hurt me in anyway - I hate the rejection and thats all it will ever be!!
People used to drive me mad, telling me Kandice is this and that, Kandice is only playing with you, Kandice is going to hurt you - in fact - people bore me when they start to try and warn me about Kandice - I laugh at them in my head, because they don't have a clue - yes she is playing with me just like I am playing with her, we both know this, I know exactly what Kandice is because I am exactly the same, I am not going to hurt Kandice and she is not going to hurt me - well that's the way it used to be, now I am not so sure!!!! If I did not know myself - I would swear I was falling in love with her - I don't do love, so that can't be it , but whatever this feeling is, it is getting stronger, I don't like it and I don't know how to stop it!!
"Don't look now, but your sister is coming and as usual she looks mad!!"
"Ignore her she will go away once she has had her rant!!"
"Shall we give her something to rant about"
"No ...."
Too late, she was kissing me like a mad woman, why does she always do this, now she will have wound Natasha up enough to make her start ranting. While Kandice must get some sort of kick out of it, I hated having my little sister shouting at me, telling me how much of a fool I was because lately the more she said it the more I was starting to believe it myself!!
"Satisfied now you bitch" I laughed when she came back downstairs
"Yes thanks - I heard the roasting she gave you - boy she does not think much of me does she - nor you for that matter!!"
"No, and don't you do that to me again!!"
"What did I do?" she put on that angelic smile of hers
"You wind Natasha up, leave me to take an ear bashing while you run off upstairs and get dressed and come back down when the coast is clear - this is not the first time you have done this to me either!!"
"And that's all part of the fun!!"
"For you maybe!!"
"Well, work calls - don't miss me too much - I'll call you!"
"Miss you - not for one minute!!"
"You best not either!!"
"Go on get lost woman - you have wasted enough of my time today!!"
"I would never call it wasted!!" she giggled
"OUT - go on scoot!!"
I laughed as I shoved her out the door, closing it quickly behind her, and leaned my back against it, I could still hear her giggling outside and even though I was laughing on the outside - I was screaming on the inside - this was not good!!!!
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oooh, Nial is developing feelings for Kandice!!! Wonder what that will mean?
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