Chapter 3 - Finding the Future

"Princess, get us a drink - I need one -  I'll check us in"

"Lex stop calling me that!!  Is it such a good idea you don't want to start drinking now, I can not cope with you when you have had too much!!!"

"Look stop your winging and give me a break will you -- I am not like that any more - give me some credit you know I am here to find my son and put things right between us - its just one drink, I don't plan on sitting here all night getting sloshed you know!!"

"Well I don't know do I that's why I mentioned it, but I am warning you, get drunk and I am doing this alone!!"

"Shut up!!!  Its no wander my brother ran off and left you, I bet you drove him insane - your enough to drive any man to drink!!"

"You know you don't mean that!!"

"Oh I do princess - you have driven me to drink once already!!"

"So which is your room?"

"This one"

"My room?"

"This one"

"No, Lex seperate rooms I said"

"Well, unless you want to find a comfy sofa downstairs, we have no choice but to share - this was the only room they had available at such short notice."

"Oh great!!"

"Don't sound so devastated - its not like we have never shared a bed before"

"That was different and you know it!!"

"And just how was it different?"

"Because we were young and stupid and ....."

"You was playing games - I know - well I wasn't young and stupid and I certainly was not playing any games!!"

Lex moved in closer, staring me right in the eyes.  He was suffocating me, I have to be really careful here!!!

I knew this would happen - I just knew it - What is wrong with me!!!

I had to stop this and stop it now!!!!

"STOP IT LEX - STOP IT!!"

"What!!!???"

"I don't want this - You know the reason we are here and mine is definitely not to jump into bed with you!!"

"You could have fooled me there for a minute!!"

"Lex - Stop - Please!!!"

"OK - OK - calm down princess - I get the message, but you know how this is going to end up don't you!!"

"No, how?"

"When chase tells you to get lost, you WILL come running to me, so why fight it - forget Chase, he has left you - you should never have chosen him over me anyway!!"

"I don't care what you say or think, I love Chase not you, and I have come here to take my husband home with me!!"

"Ex-husband, and if he wanted you he would have come back by now - your making a fool of yourself - mark my words - why is it you always want what you know you can't have Kandice??!!"

"Shut up!!  Why did I ever think coming here with you would be anything other than a mistake!!!!"

"Because deep down you know you love me really you just don't want to admit it!!

"Grow up Lex!!"

"Your the one who needs to grown up princess, your still like a spoilt little brat - well I am telling you stamping those pretty little feet of yours and having screaming abdabs is not going to get you what you want this time - its over - face facts and move on - Chase is never coming back to you!!"

"I am not a spoilt brat!!"

"Oh yes you are - tell me something, would it be so sole destroying for you to settle for second best??!!

"What are you on about??"

"ME - I can admit it - I know I am second best!!  God knows what Chase has that I don't but Suzanna, you - both of you broke my heart, made me feel so awful when you have both chosen him over me.  Both of you love him, both of you want him - the only two women I have ever loved in my life, want my brother and not me."

"I love you Kandice, and god knows I have tried to hate you - because most of the time I don't even like you very much!!  But these stupid feelings that I have just won't go away and you can not tell me you don't have feelings for me somewhere in there because I know you do, I can feel it when we are together, and I know you feel it too.  You are always too busy chasing after what you can't have instead of making the most of what you do have, this is the reason why you lost Chase in the first place, you  had him and you lost him because you still weren't happy you had to go sneaking around with Cory - what was that all about??!!  I bet  you don't even know yourself do you!!  You are still like a child in a toy shop - you want everything - you get something you play with it for a while then get bored and want something else, but life does not work like that and its about time you grew up and faced up to reality.  You have lost him Kandice, and it is your own fault, deal with it."

"You can not be so sure how Chase is thinking or feeling"

"I know my brother, and at one time he would have died for you and I never in a million years would have imagined him leaving you,  but I told you once, and I am sure you found out for yourself over the years  - Chase is a thinker not a doer, he thinks and thinks and if he does something - you know he means it!!"  

 

"He has left you Kandice - it is over and he means it  - I am sure deep down you know I am right!!!  You are going to get hurt when we go and see him and I know I am going to be your shoulder to cry on, and I am going to have to pick up the pieces of this mess - but I just wished you could love me - even if it is just a little bit - I don't care!!

I could not sleep very well, not because I was sharing a bed with Lex but because of what Lex had said to me.

I am not sure I like the way he had described me, but thinking about it he was probably right in everything he said, but that is me, I can not help the way that I am!!

Looking at Lex sleeping, he was right about the second best thing too, and I could quiet easily settle for second best if I had to, but not without one last shot with Chase, I love Chase and yes it probably is my fault I lost him but why now and not years ago when he knew I had misbehaved, or was it that he has found out that I haven't been exactly been sweet and innocent since then and he found out about it but just never said anything.  Either way - I need him to tell me he does not love me and it was over just one more time before I could even begin to accept it!!

"You are such a tease!!"

"What have I done now??!!"

"Look at what you are wearing, just lying there - you don't care do you!!"

"If you don't like it don't look"

"See - your a tease!!  Get dressed Kandice before I show you exactly what you are doing to me!!  Or is that what  you are waiting for me to do"

"Get lost Lex"

"Get dressed then!!"

"Look at this first"

"What?"

"He has changed his name back to Strong"

"How do you know that"

"Its here look in the phone book, there are no Swans listed in Twinbrook, but this has to be him, there is a Chase Strong , Suzanna Strong and an Evan Strong all listed at the same address.  It looks like you won't have to go far to find Evan after all.  I can not find no sign of Charity thought"

"Who the hell is Charity"

"Oh for crying out loud, please tell me nobody has told you about Charity yet!!"

"Who is she??"

"Kayla's twin sister"

"Kayla doesn't have a twin sister!!"

"She does, your wife she had twins - got her brother to smuggle one of the  babies out of the hospital, she planned to run away with both babies, your mom walked in and only saw her with Kayla  so she never mentioned Charity - your mom took her home before she could do a runner - she planned to snatch Evan too but because you got drunk and fell asleep holding Evan  in their room - she had to leave Evan and Kayla behind scared she would wake you.  You should see her, its spooky she is just a female version of Chase, they even are virtually the same personality wise."

"And how long has everyone known about this?"

"About 20 years now probably - don't you speak to anyone in your family"

"Hell, yes but why have they never told me about this?"

"Maybe its because nobody wanted you to know Chase has known exactly where Suzanna has been for the past 20 years and that we all knew that  Evan has been with Suzanna all this time"

"NOW I AM ANGRY!!!!"

"Sorry Lex!!"

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Standing outside the house, I began to get nervous.  I was scared that what Lex had said was true, Chase is just going to tell me to get lost, I know he is, but I had to take the chance and try just one more time.  I rang the doorbell and waited.  Lex was stood round the side of the house and could not be seen from the doorway, he thought if Suzie came to the door and saw him she would just slam it in our faces.

I really don't know what I expected but I really did not expect to be looking at the woman stood in front of me.  An older, much older version of Kayla, with black hair and she was carrying a toddler.

"Can I help you"

"Yes, sorry to bother you but I was wandering if this is where Chase Swan lives?"

"Who are you press?"

"No I am a friend from Riverview"

"A Friend you say?" 

"Yes"

I could not help but keep staring at the toddler.  He had Chase's eyes and hair colouring.  No, it couldn't be - it was bound to be Charity's child!!

"Cute kid!!"  I did not know what else to say - my heart was beating hard in my chest

"This is Nial, he has just learnt to talk"

she said to me

"Say hello to the nice lady, Nial"

"Hello lady"

We both laughed at his cuteness all the time I was thinking - Hurry up this is killing me!!

"Is Chase home?"

"Oh, yes, sorry, come into the hallway, I'll go fetch him for you"

Well here goes!!!!!

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Chapter 4

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