Trouble in Paradice - Part 3

Watching Kandice walk away was the hardest thing I have ever had to do
But it had to be done - there was no other way for me!!!!

 The last person I expected to catch me breaking down was Shantel - I thought I had the house to myself.

"Hey Nial what's wrong"

I didn't even have time to pull myself together - too late, she put her arms around me and I cried on her shoulder like a baby

"Tell me what's wrong Nial - nobody has died have they?"

"Nobody has died - you wouldn't understand if I told you - I'll be fine in a minute!!"

"Well if you don't want to tell me what's wrong, that's fine, but I am here if you need to talk"

"Thanks - how long have you been here and how did you get in?"

"I let myself in with my key about 5 minutes ago why?"

"Key - you have a key??"

"Yeah didn't Nat tell you, she asked me to move in"

I looked up at her then, I was not sure I had just heard her right

"Its great isn't it we can be together all the time now, if you want to - though Vi doesn't seem too impressed don't know what's gotten into her, you know shes still nagging me about you and Kandice!! ....."

She was chattering away like an excited child but I didn't really hear anything she said after she mentioned Kandice's name.  Natasha - just wait till I get my hands on here - she has done this to me on purpose - what a bitch!!!!  I really don't know what she means to achieve by moving shantel in here!

I lowered my head again and cracked up all over again - my life was going to be hell from now on - how did I manage to get myself into this mess!!!!  Shantel living here was the last thing I ever would have wanted, how the hell was I going to get away from her without moving out - all I wanted was a distraction not a live in lover!!

I am not even really sure how we ended up here - in my bed - but this was to be the first of many nights when I no longer slept alone and this at first I did not feel comfortable with.  Talk about cramping my style - it was totally crushed!!!

As the weeks and months rolled by everwhere I turned there she was - driving me insane - never giving me a minutes rest, she suffocated me some days and I couldnt move without her being there.  Other days I actually didn't mind her being there and we kind of got stuck in the rut of having a relationship of sorts.  I was trying to get over Kandice and I suppose secretly I needed Shantel there because she was still distracting me when I was finding it hard and if Shantel was not there - I dread to think what I would have done, I probably would never have stopped seeing Kandice !!
My life took on a direction I never thought I could live with!!!

 My relationship is getting better with Neo, I think probably because as far as he can see me and Shantel are together and I have behaved probably in his eyes because there has not been any stray women roaming around the place like there always used to be - there is only Shantel and how can I bring anyone home when I have her sleeping in my bed!!  To be honest at the moment I could not be bothered anyway, between Kandice and Shantel they have both knocked the stuffing out of me!!
But the final nail in my coffin was when I found out Shantel was pregnant!!
That really did not impress me one little bit - I never imagined myself with children!!
Now I have a daughter Codie, who definitely does not deserve me for a Dad and I am just praying she does not inherit that gene that me and Kandice have!!

Kandice phones me now and again - it kills me just to hear her voice - she asks me if I am ready to see her again and I have to say no, I have no choice.  As much as it kills me to say no I have to think of Codie, I am learning to think of somebody else other than me!!

Because of Codie and because of the rut I have got myself trapped into I now have to go and do something stupid to me, something I never would have done normally, because as much as I love Kandice who is no good for me - I need Shantel more she keep me away and she keeps me distracted enough from totally ruining my life completely.
Commitment - it still scares me to death

I am a broken man and to me my life is a messs and it can not be fixed
for now I am doing the right thing - I am doing what normal people do
I am behaving!!

but I can not promise I will behave forever!!!!!

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Chapter 6
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