Chapter 2 - Gen 1 - Faith

I just felt like my whole world had just come crashing down around me again.  I had it all mapped out - now it had to change - I was going to become a mother, I was having a baby - this was the last thing I had planned for my present future - and Toby - what have we done!!!!  What on earth am I going to do about Toby.

This pregnancy was an accident and to tell Toby he was about to become a father, that would mean me going back to Wishacy Bay.  I could not go back I had only just got here and going back would not wipe away or change everything that I ran away from.  I felt like my heart was breaking all over again - Toby - could I really be so cruel and not tell him.  The baby, what was I going to tell the baby about it's Dad when it grew up?

A baby!!!  Oh no, how am I going to do this alone??

There is one thing - there is no way I could give up my medical career now.  I needed a steady income coming in with a baby to look after.  If it had just been me, I could have coped with what I earned  from my paintings or whatever else I had decided to do.

A few times during the day I found myself pulling out my phone and staring at it.  I had left my old phone behind, this phone had one phone number in it - work, but I knew my dads phone number off by heart,  I could quite easily phone him - no!!!!

I was going stir craxy I needed to get out for a while.  I checked up on work there were a few follow up calls that I could do, so I did them to get me out of the house and it would give me something else to think about for a while other than my problem.

I wanted to befriend all of my workmates.  Being on maternity leave before I had even done a days work at the hospital, did not give me the chance to meet any of the medical staff.  The only person I knew that I would be working with was Jebidiah Wilson, who coincidentally lived in the house opposite to mine.  So I went over and introduced myself to him.

I liked Jebidiah, we actually had a few traits in common and we were both workaholics.  We chatted for quite a while outside his house.  Even though there was nowhere else for me to go with my career, this was my boss, and this would be the man giving me pay rises, so it never hurts to get on with your boss, and luckily I think we could actually become good friends.

"So do you want to know the sex of the baby" he asked me

I had not even thought about the sex of the baby until now - I had been too wrapped up in whether I should tell Toby and my family about it and what impact it would have on my plans, I had not thought about the sex, names, or even buying furniture and all the things you needed for a baby.

"Eeer..... yes, why not - it would be quite nice to know if its a boy or a girl" I replied

"Its a girl" he told me "Is that what you wanted?"

"I don't care either way boy or girl - I did not really have a preference"

I was quite surprised when he reached over and started to feel my tummy, then bent down to listen.  I had seen my Dad doing this to my Mom loads of times, it brought back memories, and I felt a little emotional, I could do with having my Mom and Dad here right now!!

"And what about babies Dad, will he be happy at having a little girl?"  

"I don't know"  I was a little taken aback by the question - 

of course people were going to ask these sort of questions, the baby did have a dad and how am I going to explain to them why he is not here.  It would not take people long to notice, that I was alone.  Something else that I had not thought about.

Knowing that I was having a little girl - somehow made it real.  I kept myself occupied by decorating the spare bedroom for the baby in pink.  I sold the two single beds that had been in there, they did not look comfortable anyway, and I could buy her a new bed when she needed one. I bought a cot and a load of baby toys.  I hoped she will like the colour pink!!  It gave me the chance to think about a name for the baby too.

Now all I had to do was wait for the baby to arrive.  I was scared more than excited.  I still was worrying about how I was going to cope alone, and how was I ever going to get over Toby now, having a constant reminder of him with me every day, having his daughter, I was going to think about him every day for the rest of my life!!

One thing I knew I would not have to worry about was money as long as I stayed in my medical career.  On maternity leave I was earning $2,810 a day and I still had about $10,000 left from the money that I left home with.  I needed to get myself a few things, an Easel and a computer, I missed painting and it was so hard not having a computer, I could not work from home like I wanted to.  One thing I did managed to do on maternity leave was master the guitar skill.

I had not been asleep long when the pains started.

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!

 OMG!!!!!!!!!!!  THAT HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 OMG - I AM NOT GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN!!!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH

-------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3

--------------------------------------------------